We Made It Through the Weekend

I'm a talker. Maybe too much of one. But I believe in the power of words.

And so Babygirl and I talk, and talk, and talk, and talk some more. We hung around the house on Saturday, doing laundry, napping, watching TV. I helped her braid her hair. I introduced her to my boyfriend and talked to her about how good, strong, Black men show their love, respect and affection.

We went to church on Sunday and talked more about the message and how we could apply it to our lives.

Over lunch, she shared more of her story and her background. She comes from a physically abusive past. I promised her that in this house, she is safe from that. We also talked about learning how to forgive those who have hurt us.

She wants to remain with me. And I want to work with her on becoming a stronger, good person. But I don't even begin to know where to begin. She's been out of school for 3 years. She doesn't want to return to high school and start again as a freshmen. However, she can't enter GED courses until January - also her birthday month.

So today, I'll work from home and begin working DSS.

On a different note, I'm beginning to hate her dog. I didn't think I had it in me to not fall in love with a puppy. JayJay is a 4 month, yorkie-chihuahua mix. He is a terror. He chases Maxwell (my 6 yr Bichon Frise) around the house, snatches toys away from Maxwell, nips or bites at Maxwell, and pushes Maxwell out of the way when feeding. JayJay has also nipped at my fingers. I know I'm going about this the wrong way, but I've been spanking and caging JayJay. That dog will not bully Maxwell.

It Begins Now

Throughout the summer, I had several near-placements. DSS would call, I'd agree to take the child, and for various reasons, the placement wouldn't occur. 

I really didn't think a child would be placed with me. Until last night.

DSS asked if I would serve as respite care through the weekend. The stats:a 17 year old teen girl with a puppy. No problems, although she does not attend school.

I agreed and never heard from DSS again. (DSS did not provide paperwork, nor insurance information, nothing but silence.)

Babygirl's (I'll call her this) foster father called for directions to my home, and the real conversation begins. His anger poured through the phone and continued when he arrived.


Mr. Jay described Babygirl as willful, stubborn, manipulative, hard-headed, dismissive of authority, a drug-addict and thief, sexually promiscuous and violent. He told of incidents where he and his wife called the police to intervene because she would "get in their face" and threaten violence. He said Babygirl would call men to their home to pick her up and take her out for partying, sexing or smoking weed. He described how her willfulness affected other children in their home. She lasted a month with the Jay family.


I wanted to cry. I was so overwhelmed. Mr. Jay told me that neither he nor Mrs. Jay would  return for Babygirl. He apologized for doing this to me and admitted that DSS had done the same to them - dropped off Babygirl without a clear explanation of her background.


"My G-d," I thought and prayed. "They have a 2 parent household. What can I possibly do by myself? Father, I beg you to help me."


After Babygirl settled in her room, I asked her out so we could talk about expectations. I told her the rules of the house are that we will respect one another - in our actions and our speech. We will live in here and try to grow together. But this was the starting line. All we have is how we act toward one another beginning at this point in time. Our past histories don't matter.


She seemed a bit receptive, asked questions about my background. We talked more and things seemed fine.


Later that evening we had our first "encounter."


She settled in her room, showered and came out dressed and cute. She was respectful in her tone when she asked if she could go out to the store. I told her that she couldn't go when she told me she wanted to walk. (There is no store in walking distance of my home.) It's too late and she's a vulnerable, young woman. 

She was visibly angry. She began trembling and retreated to her room.


I gave her some time and then went to talk to her. We talked again over dinner and opened up more to one another. She talked about her frustration with being out of school, the lack of responsiveness from her DSS caseworker and her anger at the realization that DSS will "age" her out of the system when she turns 18.


She wiped angry tears and asked if she could live with me.  Could she go to school? She didn't want to bounce around anymore. She revealed so much my heart hurt. 


Babygirl is why I agreed to become a foster parent. I promised myself that I would take the child no one else wants. Babygirl has been bounced around for 3 years, and has been out of school since 9th grade. She's angry. Probably mean. She's a fighter.


But I saw her vulnerability. When she sat on the edge of my bed and asked me to part her hair so she could braid it. When she rolled around on the floor and played with the dogs.


There's a child in that woman's body. She needs someone to touch her in love. She needs someone to fight for her. She needs a safe place. In the silence after she asked if she could live here, I already knew the answer.


There won't be anything easy about this journey.