My 2nd home interview is scheduled next week. It’s clear to me that my caseworker has recently returned to my file and is rushing through it to fill in the blanks.
She called, wondering if my back-up caregiver had filled out the paperwork that authorizes a criminal background check and if my back-up had completed the medical form.
*record scratch*
For real? No, really? Yes, my back-up completed the authorization for the background check. And, um, his check was completed before mine was completed, some time in August 2010.
And in typical DSS form, they’ve introduced yet another requirement: a medical examination. I told my caseworker, this was the first time it’s ever been mentioned to me that my back-up needed a medical examination; this requirement isn’t written anywhere. Nor is there an authorization form for this. I’m growing annoyed with the haphazard, unofficial way DSS introduces new requirements to this process.
And to add insult to injury, my caseworker sent the below email, with the subject line: additional information.
HI,
Your mom was married to your biological father(name) they divorced when you were 6 she then married(name) who cheated on her and they divorced when you were 16. did she remarry after that? if so, then to who.
Wowwwww. So caring of her to 1) condense my life story into a few sentences; 2) recall the sordid details of my past; 3) neglect good grammar; and 4) send this to my business email.
Maybe I’m the fool, because I actually responded, filled in the blanks and corrected misinformation.
So then my caseworker follows up with this email (I changed names):
verification...
You lived with your aunt for about 6 months in NJ. Then you and your mom moved to NY where she met and married STEPFATHER (you were 8 when they married). In the time between leaving your aunt and your mom re-marrying, you lived in NY and mom was supporting you guys. Six months after your mom married, STEPFATHER began cheating on her, you confronted him but never told your mom. They eventually divorced when you were 16. The middle class life you described is the life with STEPFATHER? Why didn't you guys remain in contact?
How long after the sexual abuse did you tell your mom.
And then I had to use my words:
CASEWORKER,
These are emotionally challenging questions.
It's also difficult to see my life condensed into a few sentences.
Let's discuss this in person.
Thank you,
I’m committed to honesty and openness about this process. But damn. How are you going to ask me cavalierly about sexual abuse as an aside? And in an email to my business address? There are so many incorrect points in that summation. I alternate between anger, insult, annoyance, shock, disappointment and surprise.
I feel like a moving part. A means to an end.
I can’t even begin to imagine how my child feels after living in multiple foster and group homes, after being ignored or abused. I hope DSS social workers aren’t this impersonal with my child.
I wish DSS would just move out of the way and give me my daughter.
